The "D" List (Part 2) Disappointment: When they call to tell you the Doctor had an emergency. Disco: A din of iniquity. Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse. Distant Relative: A relative who owes you money. Divorce: What results when the bonds of matrimony no longer bear interest. Doctor: A guy who tells you if you don’t cut out something he’ll cut something out of you. Dog Kennel: A barking lot. Dollar Sign: An S that’s been double-crossed. Dorm Room: A small closet-like area inhabited by a pair of incompatible people. Double Crosser: 1. A man who acts like a skunk and hopes nobody will get wind of it; 2. Someone with a great sense of two-timing. Draft Board: 1. Where young men are weighed and found wanted; 2. The world's largest travel agency. Drama Critic: 1. A person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant; 2. A person who leaves no turn unstoned. Drill Press: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against the Rolling Stones poster over the bench grinder. Driveway: Where your husband will sit, in his idling automobile, honking the horn and yelling, while you try to get ready to go out. Dry Ice: A carbon dioxymoron. Dubmerol: A drug that when taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks. Dufi: The plural of dufus. Dumb Waiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. Dysfunctional Family: Used by psychologists to described any household occupied by two or more related individuals. Dyslexus: The inability to distinguish between a BMW and a Mercedes. |